Been a long time...

There is just too much to say.  I'll have to put it off a little longer :P

These past few months have been interesting, busy and fun.
I am not allowed to have pets where I live, unless you count all the wild lizards that are so prolific outside my house.  I did sort-of adopt a pet cat though he does not live with me.  I guess technically, I am the pet.  He is sweet as can be, affectionate to the extreme, and has a very funny meow.  

I also still care for Rivette my tristis monitor, though she does not live with me either.  Someday, I'll have pets that can come into the house and cuddle up on the couch with me again.
  • Current Music
    ROOFTOPS by Lostprophets


What have I been up to....? Well lets see....
***I have been to Vegas
 -yeah baby!- It was superb.  I shared a room with a close family friend, got to go to the nightclub Coyote Ugly at the New York New York hotel (yep, like the movie) and was invited to dance on the bar!  Upside the doorman gave me a free ticket to get in and the place was packed, downside  -at least for me- was that being invited to dance on the bar included  free shots they pour directly into your mouth  and since I went there solo I couldn't drink much,  it was hard to turn it away but I did a good job:)  I also played some games I have not played in a longgggg time.  Craps and Roulette.   I had forgotten how much FUN craps is! .  No, I didn't win big, but as usual, I didn't loose it all either.
***Ive been dancing and to karaoke a few times -Always a blast!-
***A couple of movies including both the Deathnote and Bleach flicks.
***Some great dinner parties with a surprisingly large group I've joined of anime lovers.
***I got a 97% in my last class!  WOO HOO!!!! If I would have known I was gonna ace it, I would not have taken the credit no credit option... DAMN!  Oh well, an A is an A!  School starts again June 23...*sigh*
***4 awesome birthday parties
***I have gotten to spend time with both my grandmothers, dining, shopping and movies.
***Hanging out regularly again with my bestest gal pals including my mom, sis, niece and Gma.
***I saw my niece graduate!
***I helped my sis move -whew, was that really hard!-
***Working - Which has been really good lately, and yes, I did get a sizable boost in income!-
***I am attempting friendship with my ex now, though we only see each other about once every couple weeks.
***I have been planning out the novel that has been in my head for a while now and am pleased  with it.  I do so love to write.  I have been working on a song too, but probably wont post it here because of it's risque content:)
***I have made somewhere around 30 new friends through my sis and her guy's network and the social group I have joined.
***And here's irony for you---  the three I talk to most are named Christine, Christine, and Christina.... ack....  Why  do they have to share a name with the trashy trollop????  Am I any less mad now? Nope, probably more.  It is true what they say... You can find ANYTHING on the internet!  I found a group of people that have shall we say share an intense dislike of her single-minded selfishness for their own reasons, and being a uniquely creative person has it's advantages.  *snicker*  I don't think she has moved back to my hometown, I have been looking. 
***I went to the dentist -it was less than enjoyable, but  it went well all things considered.- YAY! 
***I am still looking for a new home for my tristis monitor, enclosure is 5 1/2 T by 40 W by 48 L.  I have a lead, but I won't know for a few weeks yet if it's official.  If anyone has a lead let me know! I'd like to move her ASAP. 

Anyway, it has been an interesting and fast paced few months!
Cia peeps, and don't let the vampires bite!
  • Current Music
    Pointer Sisters - *We are Family!*

(no subject)

Kinda funny the twists and turns life takes....

Well, a few weeks ago I was toasting to many more years of happiness with my housemates, now I have upgraded  to a new place.  I really hate change, but as soon as I moved I could see how much better off I am here.  Not that it was bad before but.... I  have a bigger room and bathroom and a walk-in closet, a nice view out the window.  And more importantly I am surround by people who have the same morals and  values, the same ideals about parenting and love.

 My old housemates and I had lots and lots of fun, because their was alot of denial on their part  and of course the little issue of how to handle the fact that their daughter was doing the nasty with my guy while I was still living with him, and lied to all of us for a long time about it.  My girlfriend and her husband asked me to come live with them when I decided to leave my guy last year, they did not believe at the time their daughter could be mean enough to play friend to my face and be sleeping at my house behind my back.  Then the truth came out.  I told my friend on numerous occasions "I don't know how you can be friends with me when I hate your daughter as much as I do." (actually the statements were more colorful than that.) She would just say "well, I can."  Wow. Brave or brutal? I don't know.  As long as we ignored the daughter, we were all perfect roommates, never having a disagreement about anything.  I had hoped, that someday my friend would realize that as a mother, it is her responsibility to tell her offspring, no matter how old, when they are making a mistake, when they are hurting themselves or others.  My friend refused to do this, because she believed her daughter didn't care and would cut contact with her if she tried.  She would rather have a superficial friendship with her than risk upsetting her.  She would rather let her daughter crash into another horrible mistake and let her be punished by the next person she seriously wronged then confront her.  I tried over and over to get her to be honest to no avail.  I have to say I find that baffaling and terribly sad.  I never made it a secret that I was furious,-WHO WOULDN'T BE??- and that I wanted and expected to someday look her in the eye and get closure, to see if she was actually as soulless as she seemed to be.  I sent a scathing message to her, telling her again someday I would see her face to face. She's too much of a coward to face me, I guess she thinks I'm gonna beat the snot out of her.  I'm not interested in a fistfight, that's ridiculous!  Besides, she like a foot taller and 50 lbs heaver that I am....lol.   Apparently I scared the doodles out of her, and she called her Mom to cry, claiming I had taken her place in her mothers life.  She's right, it did look that way,  I too wondered if she really loves her daughter, she gave up on her.  As a mother I find that so tragic.  My friend has admitted she is famous for bury her problems rather than dealing with them, and she does.  I don't know how she can live that way, she is hurting so many more people that just herself, but that is her choice.  I truly think the daughter needs or will soon need a place to live,  and has no where else to go because she had problems keeping  relationships/friendships, like her mother.   So, she had her husband tell me to move, and I did, I moved right down the street.  Well, if she moves back to my hometown the chances of us running into each other are pretty good.  I believe that my friends meltdown and change of heart toward me had less to do with her loving her daughter, and more to do with the fact her husband and I became the best of friends and were spening more time together than they did.  She told me the whole year I lived there, go ahead, she trusts me, go out and have fun with him, and after saying no, that I didnt think it was appropriate, I finally gave up and did.  Only about a month passed, I could feel the tension from her though she insisted she was fine. In hindsight I realized she would never admit it to me, she was jealous, I cant say I blame her for being jealous, however, she should not have been pushing him on me like that.  She does not like exercise, or staying up past 10, or see dramatic movies at the theater etc.. etc.. The fact is, he is a young man, 16 years younger, and we just had more in common than they did.  Of all the things I will miss the late night conversations with him the most... he told me I will always be family to him, and even though it's better for his relationship that I stay away, I hope he follows his own advice, "Look at the things in your life that are holding you back, get rid of the things that stop you from being the best person you can be." 
Another day another A....  School is going very well! I am soooo pleased!
I planted an Avocado seed 4 years ago and OMG it FLOWERED this year!! I am so shocked! The apple tree I planted as a seed is taller than I am now.  I also planted a garden with my Mom that is so pretty!  All the flowers are doing amazing, everything is starting to bloom.  AND I finally found and purchased a particular lavender rosebush I have been looking for for about a million years, It's first flower is just about to open:) 
We went shopping at Nordstrom the other day, it was a lot of fun, next time I hope to have more money.
I might be making a lot more money real soon, *cross your fingers*
We have a Vegas trip planned coming up!
I have met some new friends dubbed the queen and the princess... lol, we went out the other night, listened to live music, and had a great time. I just wish they didn't live so far away.
My dad is gonna teach me to surf this summer! Woo Hoo!!


  • Current Music
    QUEEN - These Are The Days Of Our Lives

GREAT movie -**Across the Universe**

Well, I’m not in trouble at work. I’m also not the only one who is stuck in the scheduling fiasco. I showed up for work the other day and I was told I wasn’t on the schedule. Well, I was on the one in the break room which the employees check, but not the one the managers look at? Hmmmm.... I decided to stay and shop instead, a few hours later the manager spotted me and asked me if I’d like to work, I told him I did when I showed up, but I was shopping now. They had no staff except managers. So odd. He has been very nice to me lately.

I am avoiding homework. I really need to do some, but OMG I can’t seem to force myself to it. Oh well. Gotta leave soon for my 48 hour shift. I’ll have to do it on Tuesday before school. Schools are closed due to the CA wildfires till Sunday.(so far) Send your wishes & prayers to the hundreds who lost their homes, I know I am.

I was up till 4 AM last night. The upstairs neighbors had a B-day party/Halloween party that was pretty crazy. I should have gone up and joined them but I was in the middle of a really good book. (Laurel K. Hamilton sexy vampire series) It sounded like they were having a hippopotamus bowling competition. I heard girls in the bushes by my window speaking in foreign languages (possibly drunkese), I heard partiers puking, and I hope like heck it wasn’t peeing near my window I thought I heard. The sprinklers came on at 1:00am and there was much shrieking....lol
I am tired, but life goes on. Better get to it.

If you haven’t seen Across the Universe, you should. We loved it, what a great movie.
  • Current Music
Renji in jail...lol

Another new motto: Pretend to have it together even if you don’t!

Well, I’m pretty stressed out. I got in trouble at my second job. The new schedule was not up when I left work last Friday so I asked the manager who makes the schedule if he knew my shifts for next week, he said I’d be working only Friday, then the week after I would have more shifts. This made me happy and I told him so because I have a final project and test the following Tuesday. He put me on the schedule on Thursday and of course not knowing, I didn’t show up. They called about 15 minutes before the shift was over to be angry and let me know if it ever happened again I would be fired. I have 2 phones and nether was busy that day. WHAT??!?!? Why wasn’t I called earlier? I am NEVER late and wouldn’t dream of not showing up for a shift without a good reason and letting them know. He said he tried and tried to call me but there was no answer or machine. My cell phone registers callers numbers even when no message is left. Nobody called it. It would not have been so bad had I not been working on my classes final project for hours and having a very very difficult time with it. I had just spent almost 2 hours banging my head against the wall trying to understand a concept that just wasn’t making any sense to me, they picked the perfect time to call. Soooo, minor meltdown, but my housemate was home (she is sick :( ) and helped me focus. Unfortunately, at this job there is a mandatory meeting on Sunday, which of course I can‘t possibly make because I have my caretaking job which is a 48 hour shift Saturday night to Monday night. Since I hadn’t seen the schedule till Friday, I am giving very short notice that I won’t be showing up. I might get fired anyway. I hate the concept of being fired, but I could definitely get an easier job that pays more money. I do like working there, but it isn’t for the money, just the experience. So we shall see. I have to go back to the caretaking job in a couple hours. My final project is close to done but not quite. The final test is on Tuesday and I get back Monday night so I’ll have to do some cram studying after I put my charge to bed. I feel like I don’t know anything.
Stupid stress. It sucks. It sucks so better suck it up.
<º)))><,…·´¯`·.¸.¸.·´¯`DO YOUR BEST!·-·´¯`·.¸.¸.·´¯`·...¸><(((º>
  • Current Music

Just pluggin along

I was in a car accident this week, no I’m not hurt. Just a bent steel bumper and a couple dents. The lady who hit me said she was dozing at the stoplight behind me and her foot slipped off the brake and hit the gas. People, let this be a lesson to you,**Don’t doze and drive.** I wonder if she was telling the truth, she hit me harder than I would have expected if she had been stopped behind me. I didn’t even see her there. My bumper has been ordered, the insurance is paying for it and a rental car. Just one more thing to get done. Woo Hoo.

It’s funny…. The only time I feel really good these days is at my job as a caretaker. I can put everything else aside and think only of this tiny little woman who needs me so much. I like to pretend she is the Queen and I am her personal handmaiden, she is so appreciative of the things I do for her, so gracious in her thanks to me. Making her happy makes me happy. She has dementia, and forgets short term memories, she gets very nervous about things, especially when we are going places like the hairdresser, because I‘m sure she feels like she should know what’s going on, but somehow doesn’t. She asks ever few minutes, “Where are we going honey?” in this nervous voice. That must be a very scary feeling. When we get back to her house she asks where we are, she still remembers her previous house as home, not this one. The last few weeks have been awesome though, lately she is easily letting me do some of the things that were a screaming battle before…. like tooth brushing. I’m going back to stay with her in a couple hours, but I got a poke from a friend who noticed my absence on the journal and prompted me to post :) *hug*

My other job is still a management nightmare. It sort-of feels like they might be testing me for a promotion but I don’t want it. That would mean salary and they abuse the salaried employees in this company. No thanks! School is going well, My mom is taking a class with me. We talk about a lot of stuff in this class that appears to have nothing to do with the class itself, but I am learning a little something.

I’ve been going out with my roommates once a week too. We found a cool computerized horseracing game where 8-10 people can race against each other. This game is at 2 different locations in my town, one place cheaper and geared for kids, the other expensive and geared toward adults with a full bar. You get to pick 2 horses from a long list, breed them to get your own baby horse, train it, and race it. It prints to a card and you can come back later and continue it’s progress or even go to the other location. After 20 races, the computer starts asking if you want to retire your horse and breed it. Last night I retired my horse, I believe she has 32 races and 11 wins. Funny but I feel kind of sad about retiring her. Fun game.
Take care of yourselves everybody.
There is always something that needs to be done, oh well, guess I better go do it.
  • Current Music
Matsumoto maybe

The truth hurts

My life really doesn’t suck. I have good health, (as far as I know) a fantastic family, a best friend I would die for, I work hard at my 2 jobs and go to school and have managed to save a little money. It would be even better if I was a young 20 something but I'm not, I'm a late 30 something. I had to start me life over because I was naive and thought I knew my place in world.

Alright...the real dirt...

In February I found out my 10 year steady was screwing my best friends daughter. That’s when I started this journal. I promptly left him because I have always believed that cheating was an unforgivable sin, and moved in with my best friend and her husband. -yes, the situation is odd, the daughter was suppose to be my friend too :(- I didn't plan to move in with them, I was going to live with my grandmother, but my friends insisted. They said they would help me get through school so I could find real independence. My best friend probably saved my life, or at least I believed at te time she was my best friend, I have to wonder if perhaps she offered me a place to stay because she wanted revenge on him. It is extremely unfortunate that she had also slept with him as well before I knew him, in fact, he broke up with her to go out with me. if I would have known this, I may not have dated him at all. They decided to keep it a secret, I found out 7 years into my relationship because he ooopsed and let it slip. Her dirty c*nt of a daughter knew her mom had gone to bed with him and still persued and slept with him... so incredibly disgusting...

I can't even explain how devastated I was and still am by what has taken place. We had our problems, but I loved this man with all my heart. What and how they did what they did is really unbelievable to me, the things I found out were shock, after shock, after shock. After 5 months of refusing to speak to my ex (the girl moved in the day I moved out even though they were still blatantly denying they were having sex) we had our first conversation and he told me he knew how big a mistake what he did was from the beginning and was living in denial, she was immature and it allowed him to be immature. He confessed everything, every detail of their sex life, when, how, where and more. Way too much information, but he said he was ready to be honest about everything. He wanted me back. Wow. After being with someone for 10 years there are ties I can't seem to sever. Even while we weren't speaking, I thought about him all the time, even if they weren't very nice thoughts. We are talking and trying to work on a friendship, I feel terrible when I see him, and I feel terrible when I don't. He says I need to find a way to get over it, "It happened, I can't change what happened and I'm sorry". lol.... How do you tell your heart to stop hurting and have it work? I’m really trying, my life is very full and looks productive from the outside.

I find that the trusting, loving person I was is overshadowed by this horrible ugly feeling I can't seem to shake. There are a lot of people of the opinion that you should be able to be perfectly happy alone. I think all animals were meant to be in pairs and if you don’t have a mate you are missing an extremely vital part of your life. I feel guilty that all the great things in my life have to share space with pain I can't get away from, am not sure how to get away from. I am a deeply sensitive person. Both a great quality, and a flaw depending on the circumstances.

Sometimes I just want to move far away. I doubt that would change what’s going on inside me, just what’s going on outside. So I will continue to live by my anime motto:
  • Current Music
    - Straight Jacket Feeling -All American Rejects
Matsumoto melancholy daydreams

Bah, can't wait for the upswing, life sucks

OMG I am so busy, I need a vacation. We have no AC here and it is sooooooo bloody hot.....

My second job is not great like it used to be. Things are being turned upside-down by a fleet of managers new to our store... ugh... I start school again next week. My personal life is a disaster, just like my bedroom. I wish I could go back home to the beach, where I felt safe and I had a sense of belonging, where I wasn’t being eaten up inside by other peoples cruelty. I wish I could escape my own feelings, for even a little while.

The neighborhood is being renovated. They start sawing and hammering very early. So tired but it’s time to go back to work.
  • Current Mood
    sad sad